Thursday, December 31, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Imagine: an X Factor Election.
Simon Cowell, the evil genius behind the Prime Minister's favourite programme “The X Factor” has made clear that he'd like to extend the franchise to politics. The talent show mogul is offering to stage high octane debates on key issues during the general election campaign. But why stop there....?
Brash music. Stars. A giant X falls from the sky to land in the Palace of Westminster as Big Ben bongs with X replacing the clock face. Cut to stage built like a huge ballot box with audience going wild, half holding huge red pencils and half blue ones. Dancers with big rosettes and bull horns do complex routine to rap version of “Climb Every Mountain”.
Dermot O'Leary: “Good Evening and welcome to the “Election Factor” your chance to decide the outcome of the 2010 general election. Tonight the future of the nation is in your hands. After country-wide auditions literally thousands of politicians have had their chance to live the dream. But now comes the big test. The pressure is on and there's nowhere left to hide.
Please welcome the Election Factor judges: Alistair Campbell, Jeremy Clarkson, Polly Toynbee and Simon Cowell”.
(Mastermind music thumps in as judges stand to attention to deafening applause)
Dermot: “And quiet now, please for our first contestant. He's the new kid on the block, after an amazing debut in the Westminster heats, with that great standard, It's Time For A Change, here he is. The Peoples Toff: David Cameron.”
( Lachrymose Tory leader nails the first big number of the night, ending his speech with a back-flip.)
Alistair Campbell: “Oh, is it over yet? I thought it was bollocks quite frankly, usual dirge. Posh git. Out of his depth”.
Jeremy Clarkson: “Well give him his due, he isn't Gordon Brown. If you have to have a politician in politics, you could do worse. But then again, you could do better.”
Polly Toynbee: “Total mistake by whoever gave him that material about inheritance tax and throwing everyone out of work. And where is the backing? Really, we've heard all this before and the public just aren't interested”.
Simon Cowell: “You know David. I had my doubts about you from the start, but I think you have really started to come good. You're likeable, you look good and you are singing my song. You deserve to go all the way to the top”.
Dermot. “Whahey the lad! David - what did you think of all that?”
David Cameron (burst into tears) “I'm just so grateful to Simon for letting me have this chance. It means the world to me and I want to thank my mother, the Queen, the Bullingdon Club and all the voters who've given me the chance to live my dream.”
Dermod: “So, ladies and genlmn. How can you top that? Well, don't go away, because - I can hardly believe it myself - here, live on the Election Factor stage, one of the greatest figures in modern British politics. Eleven years as Chancellor, three as Prime Minister. Five general elections, eight cabinet positions, total votes since entering politics: 120,000. Let's hear a great Election Factor welcome to.... The Right Honourable.... Gordon....Brown.
Boos echo around hall drowned by massive orchestral introuction as GB delivers off-key rendition of “Give Me One More Chance (To Show I Really Care).
AC: “Look, I've always liked you, Gordon, but tonight I think you have lost the plot. I can't see the public buying this one, quite frankly.”
JC: “Like a clapped out Ford Mondeo, it's the scrappage scheme for you my Scotch friend. Hoots mon the noo!”
PT: “It just didn't work for me Gordon. I used to be your greatest fan but somehow, I can't bring myself to vote. I'm sending you home.”
SC: “Hold on a minute guys. This is a talent contest and what you can't deny is that he's got it in him. Look Gordon, here's what I'm prepared to do. If you work for me, I'll work for you. One more chance. Ok mate? Dermot. “Well Gordon. ~What about that Some pretty tough old messages there me old mate. What've you got left to say to the nation as they prepare to cast their final vote”.
Gordon Brown: “Well, Dermot, uh, I'm just so grateful to Simon, er or should I say Lord Cowell, uh, for giving me this chance to show the people at home what I can do. I've given it everything. It's my best shot. What you see is what you get. But at the end of the day, uh, it's the people who make the choice”.
Dermot. “That's dead right, mate”
(audence silenced, lights dim, roll of distant thunder)
Dermot, solemnly: “So what's it to be voters of Britain: Gordon Brown or David Cameron. It's time for the big decision. They say that every political career ends in tears, so whose career is going to end tonight. Who is going home and who is going to Downing Street...
“..And the winner of the Election Factor 2010 is...”
(Endless pause for effect during which several several audience members die of old age)
“....Simon Cowell”.
Brash music. Stars. A giant X falls from the sky to land in the Palace of Westminster as Big Ben bongs with X replacing the clock face. Cut to stage built like a huge ballot box with audience going wild, half holding huge red pencils and half blue ones. Dancers with big rosettes and bull horns do complex routine to rap version of “Climb Every Mountain”.
Dermot O'Leary: “Good Evening and welcome to the “Election Factor” your chance to decide the outcome of the 2010 general election. Tonight the future of the nation is in your hands. After country-wide auditions literally thousands of politicians have had their chance to live the dream. But now comes the big test. The pressure is on and there's nowhere left to hide.
Please welcome the Election Factor judges: Alistair Campbell, Jeremy Clarkson, Polly Toynbee and Simon Cowell”.
(Mastermind music thumps in as judges stand to attention to deafening applause)
Dermot: “And quiet now, please for our first contestant. He's the new kid on the block, after an amazing debut in the Westminster heats, with that great standard, It's Time For A Change, here he is. The Peoples Toff: David Cameron.”
( Lachrymose Tory leader nails the first big number of the night, ending his speech with a back-flip.)
Alistair Campbell: “Oh, is it over yet? I thought it was bollocks quite frankly, usual dirge. Posh git. Out of his depth”.
Jeremy Clarkson: “Well give him his due, he isn't Gordon Brown. If you have to have a politician in politics, you could do worse. But then again, you could do better.”
Polly Toynbee: “Total mistake by whoever gave him that material about inheritance tax and throwing everyone out of work. And where is the backing? Really, we've heard all this before and the public just aren't interested”.
Simon Cowell: “You know David. I had my doubts about you from the start, but I think you have really started to come good. You're likeable, you look good and you are singing my song. You deserve to go all the way to the top”.
Dermot. “Whahey the lad! David - what did you think of all that?”
David Cameron (burst into tears) “I'm just so grateful to Simon for letting me have this chance. It means the world to me and I want to thank my mother, the Queen, the Bullingdon Club and all the voters who've given me the chance to live my dream.”
Dermod: “So, ladies and genlmn. How can you top that? Well, don't go away, because - I can hardly believe it myself - here, live on the Election Factor stage, one of the greatest figures in modern British politics. Eleven years as Chancellor, three as Prime Minister. Five general elections, eight cabinet positions, total votes since entering politics: 120,000. Let's hear a great Election Factor welcome to.... The Right Honourable.... Gordon....Brown.
Boos echo around hall drowned by massive orchestral introuction as GB delivers off-key rendition of “Give Me One More Chance (To Show I Really Care).
AC: “Look, I've always liked you, Gordon, but tonight I think you have lost the plot. I can't see the public buying this one, quite frankly.”
JC: “Like a clapped out Ford Mondeo, it's the scrappage scheme for you my Scotch friend. Hoots mon the noo!”
PT: “It just didn't work for me Gordon. I used to be your greatest fan but somehow, I can't bring myself to vote. I'm sending you home.”
SC: “Hold on a minute guys. This is a talent contest and what you can't deny is that he's got it in him. Look Gordon, here's what I'm prepared to do. If you work for me, I'll work for you. One more chance. Ok mate? Dermot. “Well Gordon. ~What about that Some pretty tough old messages there me old mate. What've you got left to say to the nation as they prepare to cast their final vote”.
Gordon Brown: “Well, Dermot, uh, I'm just so grateful to Simon, er or should I say Lord Cowell, uh, for giving me this chance to show the people at home what I can do. I've given it everything. It's my best shot. What you see is what you get. But at the end of the day, uh, it's the people who make the choice”. Dermot. “That's dead right, mate”
(audence silenced, lights dim, roll of distant thunder)
Dermot, solemnly: “So what's it to be voters of Britain: Gordon Brown or David Cameron. It's time for the big decision. They say that every political career ends in tears, so whose career is going to end tonight. Who is going home and who is going to Downing Street...
“..And the winner of the Election Factor 2010 is...”
(Endless pause for effect during which several several audience members die of old age)
“....Simon Cowell”.
Christmas in the House
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: twelve bags of compost; eleven hanging baskets; ten Tudor beams; nine toiltet seats; eight trouser presses, seven leather arm chairs; six porno films; five flat screen TVs, four Ikea kitchens; three garlic presses; two second homes and a duck house in a bell tower. But not any more, they won't.
Forget Christmas Day in the Work House, what about in the House of Commons? Has there ever been a Yuletide so drear for Members of Parliament, who will no longer able to buy nice presents off their Lewis's List. They might even have to pay for their own Christmas cards. The indignity. Having to buy their own Christmas trees and deck the halls of their London homes at their own expense.
Time was when MPs could spend, spend, spend on everything from moat dredging to organic dog food. It's all there in the latest batch of expenses claims published by the House of Commons Auditor, Sir Thomas Legg: seagrass carpeting, ride on lawn-mowers, robotic vacuum cleaners. Ann Cryer MP bought duck egg-coloured Majestic velvet carpet at £73 a square and a toilet brush at £18. The former defence secretary, Geof Hoon claimed for two televisions in two years. No wonder all the shops are holding pre-Christmas sales this year. MP penury is surely a major reason why Britain is slower out of recession than other European countries.
And spare a thought too for the homeless this Christmas. No, not those people sleeping on the streets or the beggars who unreasonably block your way into the Sainsbury's No – the really deserving: the Members of Parliament who, through no fault of their own, now face also the loss of their second homes. Now you can scoff – most of us make do with only one abode. But "second homelessness" can be psychologically damaging for individuals who have grown used to multi-residential living. MPs are going to have to rent, or – shock horror – stay in hotels. They are likely to suffer a profound sense of deprivation and loss of self-esteem and will no doubt claim for psychotherapeutic counselling.
That nice little bolt-hole in the New Forest where they used to take their secretaries and researchers for team bonding sessions. Gone forever. Those nice croft houses in the Hebrides or cottages in the North West of Scotland, where the local peasants used to cheer their MP's arrival from the porches of their homely caravans, celebrating as house prices rose ever higher.
But that isn't all. There's another group of dispossessed needing your sympathy this Christmas: all the wives, husbands, sons, daughters and other relatives who are to be thrown cruelly out of work by the penny-pinching Scrooges who now run British politics. Even in the Scottish Parliament, last bastion of honest nepotism, MSPs are to be barred from putting close relatives on the public pay roll. What a grim Christmas for them. Dig deep – they'll need your help.
Think of that fine young chap, the flamboyant Henry Conway, the self confessed “Queen Sloan” employed by his father the Tory MP Derek Conway. Has anyone given a thought for his welfare this Christmas? He and his brother were paid £10,000 a year as parliamentary researchers while they studied in remote universities and organised parties in Chelsea with fun titles like: “F@@@ Off I'm Rich”. What will they do now? Derek Conway collected £260,000 of tax payers money employing his family. Now the Conways might even have to work for a living.
The expenses row, broken by the Daily Telegraph after it received a CD stolen from the parliamentary fees office, has led to the greatest upheaval in parliamentary lifestyles since MPs started getting paid a proper salary in 1911. MPs had come to see their expenses as a salary top up. After all, how could anyone be expected to get by on a pittance of £65,000 – a mere three times average wages. Barely enough to send a couple of sons to Eton.
Now that the party is over, we are told that MPs will desert in droves come the election and that the new intake will be of low calibre because of the poverty pay. Able individuals will shun parliament. There will be no towering intellects like Sir Anthony Steen, the Tory MP for Totness who rounded on jealous voters after it was revealed that he had claimed £87,000 for his “little Balmoral”. The Commons will have to get by without those great parliamentarians Sir Nicholas and Ann Winterton, whose ingenious schemes for personal self-enrichment baffled Her Majesty's Revenue. Gone also, Sir Peter Viggers who achieved international celebrity by claiming for a duck house.
And so now, in the bleak midwinter, as our few remaining MPs sit around their one bar electric fires in some grim housing estate in south London, they will dream dreams of the good old days. And wake up to the reality of living within their means - just like the voters of Britain who put them there.
Forget Christmas Day in the Work House, what about in the House of Commons? Has there ever been a Yuletide so drear for Members of Parliament, who will no longer able to buy nice presents off their Lewis's List. They might even have to pay for their own Christmas cards. The indignity. Having to buy their own Christmas trees and deck the halls of their London homes at their own expense.
Time was when MPs could spend, spend, spend on everything from moat dredging to organic dog food. It's all there in the latest batch of expenses claims published by the House of Commons Auditor, Sir Thomas Legg: seagrass carpeting, ride on lawn-mowers, robotic vacuum cleaners. Ann Cryer MP bought duck egg-coloured Majestic velvet carpet at £73 a square and a toilet brush at £18. The former defence secretary, Geof Hoon claimed for two televisions in two years. No wonder all the shops are holding pre-Christmas sales this year. MP penury is surely a major reason why Britain is slower out of recession than other European countries.
And spare a thought too for the homeless this Christmas. No, not those people sleeping on the streets or the beggars who unreasonably block your way into the Sainsbury's No – the really deserving: the Members of Parliament who, through no fault of their own, now face also the loss of their second homes. Now you can scoff – most of us make do with only one abode. But "second homelessness" can be psychologically damaging for individuals who have grown used to multi-residential living. MPs are going to have to rent, or – shock horror – stay in hotels. They are likely to suffer a profound sense of deprivation and loss of self-esteem and will no doubt claim for psychotherapeutic counselling.
That nice little bolt-hole in the New Forest where they used to take their secretaries and researchers for team bonding sessions. Gone forever. Those nice croft houses in the Hebrides or cottages in the North West of Scotland, where the local peasants used to cheer their MP's arrival from the porches of their homely caravans, celebrating as house prices rose ever higher.
But that isn't all. There's another group of dispossessed needing your sympathy this Christmas: all the wives, husbands, sons, daughters and other relatives who are to be thrown cruelly out of work by the penny-pinching Scrooges who now run British politics. Even in the Scottish Parliament, last bastion of honest nepotism, MSPs are to be barred from putting close relatives on the public pay roll. What a grim Christmas for them. Dig deep – they'll need your help.
Think of that fine young chap, the flamboyant Henry Conway, the self confessed “Queen Sloan” employed by his father the Tory MP Derek Conway. Has anyone given a thought for his welfare this Christmas? He and his brother were paid £10,000 a year as parliamentary researchers while they studied in remote universities and organised parties in Chelsea with fun titles like: “F@@@ Off I'm Rich”. What will they do now? Derek Conway collected £260,000 of tax payers money employing his family. Now the Conways might even have to work for a living.
The expenses row, broken by the Daily Telegraph after it received a CD stolen from the parliamentary fees office, has led to the greatest upheaval in parliamentary lifestyles since MPs started getting paid a proper salary in 1911. MPs had come to see their expenses as a salary top up. After all, how could anyone be expected to get by on a pittance of £65,000 – a mere three times average wages. Barely enough to send a couple of sons to Eton.
Now that the party is over, we are told that MPs will desert in droves come the election and that the new intake will be of low calibre because of the poverty pay. Able individuals will shun parliament. There will be no towering intellects like Sir Anthony Steen, the Tory MP for Totness who rounded on jealous voters after it was revealed that he had claimed £87,000 for his “little Balmoral”. The Commons will have to get by without those great parliamentarians Sir Nicholas and Ann Winterton, whose ingenious schemes for personal self-enrichment baffled Her Majesty's Revenue. Gone also, Sir Peter Viggers who achieved international celebrity by claiming for a duck house.
And so now, in the bleak midwinter, as our few remaining MPs sit around their one bar electric fires in some grim housing estate in south London, they will dream dreams of the good old days. And wake up to the reality of living within their means - just like the voters of Britain who put them there.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Weather chaos on the roads. A traveller's tale.
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. I was caught on the 'white hell' of the M74 yesterday. And great fun it was too. People got out of their cars and helped each other, grinning inanely. A local farmer trundled around offering tows. Heaving men pushed vehicles out of ditches. Lanarkshire has never looked more wonderful.
It blocked at Abingdon where two lorries had got stuck doing what lorries do - which is occupy as many lanes as possible. I reversed to let one of them back up, and got stuck myself. Eventually the gritter man came and sucked his teeth. This was a serious man and he wasn't going to be hurried. But after a few more heaves and several shovel fulls of the hard stuff we were off again. Tragedy avoided by prompt and decisive action.
So, you see - men aren't completely redundant after all. We may be increasingly superfluous in reproduction, and positively dysfunctional in the new feminised work place. But we're always going to need a few of us still around for days like this. Man days. When it snows. Keep a few of us around in glass cases to be broken open when the weather changes.
Back on the M74 the road was clear but very snowy. The north bound carriageway looked like Kosovo during the Balkan war. But there seemed to be no one going south at all. I wondered if the road had been closed further north, and kept on going through virgin snow. It was very peaceful. What a rare privilege - driving noiselessly down an empty motorway. We should do this every year.
It blocked at Abingdon where two lorries had got stuck doing what lorries do - which is occupy as many lanes as possible. I reversed to let one of them back up, and got stuck myself. Eventually the gritter man came and sucked his teeth. This was a serious man and he wasn't going to be hurried. But after a few more heaves and several shovel fulls of the hard stuff we were off again. Tragedy avoided by prompt and decisive action.
So, you see - men aren't completely redundant after all. We may be increasingly superfluous in reproduction, and positively dysfunctional in the new feminised work place. But we're always going to need a few of us still around for days like this. Man days. When it snows. Keep a few of us around in glass cases to be broken open when the weather changes.
Back on the M74 the road was clear but very snowy. The north bound carriageway looked like Kosovo during the Balkan war. But there seemed to be no one going south at all. I wondered if the road had been closed further north, and kept on going through virgin snow. It was very peaceful. What a rare privilege - driving noiselessly down an empty motorway. We should do this every year.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Excluding the SNP is unfair and undemocratic.
The Scottish National Party has every right to feel aggrieved at being excluded from the proposed televised debates involving the three UK leaders during the forthcoming general election campaign. The problem is what to do about it. It is manifestly unfair for not one, but three ninety minute debates to be shown in Scotland without the party of government in Scotland being represented. Quite apart from the unfairness, the important Scottish dimension will be completely lost as the three UK leaders debate English health, English education, English policing and other issues like nuclear power and university tuition fees as they affect England. Does anyone seriously believe that Brown, Cameron and Clegg are going to debate these issues as they apply to Scotland? Of course not.
I am not making a narrow nationalist point here. It is, or should be, obvious to any fair minded person that this is a distortion of the democratic process in Scotland. Unfortunately, it is a very difficult problem to resolve. Clearly, shoe-horning Alex Salmond into these debates will bemuse the vast majority of viewers who live in England. Clearly, Alex Salmond has no chance of becoming UK leader. His presence therefore, would be an unwarranted intrusion into the English political debate.
But if it is unacceptable to transmit these debates in England with Salmond, it is equally unacceptable to transmit them in Scotland without him. There is no easy way round this, and I think it should be tested by law. An important precedent will be established with profound implications for custom and practice of broadcasting during elections. I suspect the SNP will not go to law far because they have little likelihood of overturning the UK networks who will fight fiercely against any attempt to block the transmissions. But I still hope they try.
Really, the only fair and representative solution would be for the debates not to be transmitted in Scotland or for there to be as four way debate north of the border including the UK and SNP leaders. Clearly, Brown, Cameron and Clegg are not going to want that, but they may just have to accept it. They have agreed to have three separate debates to suit the demands of the three UK television channels - well, the least they can do is suit the demands of the devolved United Kingdom.
Unionists have been crowing at the thought of Alex Salmond being excluded from these debates, but they should have a care. This kind of thing does not go down well in Scotland, where voters have an acute sense of fairness and democratic propriety. I suspect many Scottish viewers will resent the way the SNP has been excluded, and more to the point, will resent the way Scottish issues are largely ignored, as they are on network television bulletins. These broadcasts could do severe damage to the Unionist case in Scotland, and the SNP know it.
The UK parties should think again.
I am not making a narrow nationalist point here. It is, or should be, obvious to any fair minded person that this is a distortion of the democratic process in Scotland. Unfortunately, it is a very difficult problem to resolve. Clearly, shoe-horning Alex Salmond into these debates will bemuse the vast majority of viewers who live in England. Clearly, Alex Salmond has no chance of becoming UK leader. His presence therefore, would be an unwarranted intrusion into the English political debate.
But if it is unacceptable to transmit these debates in England with Salmond, it is equally unacceptable to transmit them in Scotland without him. There is no easy way round this, and I think it should be tested by law. An important precedent will be established with profound implications for custom and practice of broadcasting during elections. I suspect the SNP will not go to law far because they have little likelihood of overturning the UK networks who will fight fiercely against any attempt to block the transmissions. But I still hope they try.
Really, the only fair and representative solution would be for the debates not to be transmitted in Scotland or for there to be as four way debate north of the border including the UK and SNP leaders. Clearly, Brown, Cameron and Clegg are not going to want that, but they may just have to accept it. They have agreed to have three separate debates to suit the demands of the three UK television channels - well, the least they can do is suit the demands of the devolved United Kingdom.
Unionists have been crowing at the thought of Alex Salmond being excluded from these debates, but they should have a care. This kind of thing does not go down well in Scotland, where voters have an acute sense of fairness and democratic propriety. I suspect many Scottish viewers will resent the way the SNP has been excluded, and more to the point, will resent the way Scottish issues are largely ignored, as they are on network television bulletins. These broadcasts could do severe damage to the Unionist case in Scotland, and the SNP know it.
The UK parties should think again.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Copenhagen: not as bad as it could've been.
It's a pity there weren't a few bankers around the Bella Centre in Copenhagen last week – then there might have been a deal. Perhaps Greenpeace should've flown a task force of Wall Street's finest on the final day since investment bankers are the only people who seem able to get world leaders to open their wallets. I fear the planet won't wake up to the reality of climate change until Goldman Sachs is faced with imminent bonus failure because the stock exchange is on fire. And even then clever brokers will no doubt be turning a few bucks by trading on Armageddon futures.
Money and war are the only things that get politicians talking with intent – and it was ever thus. But this doesn't mean that Copenhagen was a complete waste of time. Talking rarely is - especially about climate change. This unprecedented meeting of the world leaders was a step forward, even if the non-agreement looks like two steps back. The environment is low on the public's priority list and largely ignored by the financial interests, who these days define the limits of the possible. Getting a 193 world leaders, from Sudan to the USA, to come together and agree at least that man-made climate change is a reality and must be tackled was itself an achievement - a legal document was probably asking too much.
The developing nations called Copenhagen “a super-power stitch up”, which is what it was always going to be. The future of this planet will be decided by America and China, because they are the biggest economies and the biggest polluters. Nothing matters if they aren't on board, and now they are – sort of. President Obama and Wen Jiabao came together at the eleventh hour to deliver an agreement: a non-binding commitment to hold climate warming to 2%; a system of monitoring progress (which the Chinese were very unhappy about);$100bn for developing countries, if they go along with it; and an agreement to disagree again next year in Mexico. The theatre of Copenhagen demonstrated, finally, that we now live in a new bi-polar world. As temperatures rise, the dispossessed and low-lying countries will watch anxiously as their fate to be decided by 'Chinamerica'.
The fundamental divide, that will dominate all diplomatic efforts to contain climate change, is between the rich world, which unwittingly caused the current global warming, and the poor world whose attempt to become rich will cause the next and probably final round of it. The rich countries have a case: we don't want the developing world to make the same mistakes we did on the way up. The developing world has a case: that the wealthy countries should demonstrate their remorse by paying the cost of giving the third world a carbon-free leg up. Bridging this divided is difficult but not impossible, since many of the developing countries – in Africa for example – face extinction if nothing is done and temperatures reach even 2% above present levels. That focuses minds. The problem is focussing the minds of western electorates who live to consume and still don't get it.
Copenhagen climaxed in bewilderment and rancour – much of it synthetic, predictable. The media largely dismissed it all as 'climate chaos' – fulfilling its own prophecy that things would end in confusion and disarray. The climate change 'deniers' have had a field day. The environmentalists expressed shock and dismay at the failure to come up with a legally binding target for cutting greenhouse emissions. “Copenhagen is a crime scene” said Greenpeace, “with the guilty men and women fleeing for the airport in shame.” But the real climate “criminals” weren't freezing in Copenhagen but rushing around the Christmas shopping malls of the northern hemisphere largely oblivious to the shenanigans at COP15. They are the voters who, even after nearly twenty years of climate science, remain unconvinced. It's just too easy to blame Obama and Brown – they lacked the power of public commitment behind them.
But of course, it may never happen. There is, according to the scientists, about a 10% chance that climate change is not caused by us. Most of the world seem happy to live as 'tenpercenters', self-centred sceptics who hope they'll be gone before they know whether their gamble paid off. The men in white coats are no longer figures of authority in society, and the public reserves the right to reject scientific evidence. The playground antics of some environmental activists – people in polar bear suits trying to disrupt crucial climate talks – give Joe Mondeo another reason for sitting back and cracking open a can of Strongbow.
There's no point whining about it – this is just how things are. Democratic politics is not going to deliver resolute action on climate change. Not short of a climate catastrophe, anyway. Western voters simply will not elect any party that tells them to give up their cars and face the inconvenience of living in a no growth, low carbon environment. The developing world will not accept that they must pay for our profligacy. Fortunately we don't live a pure democracy, but a representative one in which political leaders are expected to act responsibly on the basis of the best advice available to them. The much maligned political classes have the task of saving us from ourselves.
Which is why we should offer two cheers at least to the Copenhagen climateers. Yes, even Gordon Brown, who has been an island of sanity in the madness and deserves credit for his efforts. Why does he bother, you ask. There are no votes in it. The reason is posterity, the judgement of history. Imagine, twenty five years hence, if the climate really is in chaos, how will these politicians be judged if they fail to make a serious effort today? What will the Daily Mail be saying then, assuming tabloid journalism still exists? Politicians would probably find themselves in court like war criminals for failing to act on the huge body of scientific evidence about the damaging impact of C02 emissions. Political leaders can't afford to be tenpercenters. They can't say they were only obeying orders either, even though in a democratic sense they are. So, lament the failure of Copenhagen by all means but recognise that we get the climate change summits we deserve. Until the people are convinced, we have to make do with jaw jaw.
Money and war are the only things that get politicians talking with intent – and it was ever thus. But this doesn't mean that Copenhagen was a complete waste of time. Talking rarely is - especially about climate change. This unprecedented meeting of the world leaders was a step forward, even if the non-agreement looks like two steps back. The environment is low on the public's priority list and largely ignored by the financial interests, who these days define the limits of the possible. Getting a 193 world leaders, from Sudan to the USA, to come together and agree at least that man-made climate change is a reality and must be tackled was itself an achievement - a legal document was probably asking too much.
The developing nations called Copenhagen “a super-power stitch up”, which is what it was always going to be. The future of this planet will be decided by America and China, because they are the biggest economies and the biggest polluters. Nothing matters if they aren't on board, and now they are – sort of. President Obama and Wen Jiabao came together at the eleventh hour to deliver an agreement: a non-binding commitment to hold climate warming to 2%; a system of monitoring progress (which the Chinese were very unhappy about);$100bn for developing countries, if they go along with it; and an agreement to disagree again next year in Mexico. The theatre of Copenhagen demonstrated, finally, that we now live in a new bi-polar world. As temperatures rise, the dispossessed and low-lying countries will watch anxiously as their fate to be decided by 'Chinamerica'.
The fundamental divide, that will dominate all diplomatic efforts to contain climate change, is between the rich world, which unwittingly caused the current global warming, and the poor world whose attempt to become rich will cause the next and probably final round of it. The rich countries have a case: we don't want the developing world to make the same mistakes we did on the way up. The developing world has a case: that the wealthy countries should demonstrate their remorse by paying the cost of giving the third world a carbon-free leg up. Bridging this divided is difficult but not impossible, since many of the developing countries – in Africa for example – face extinction if nothing is done and temperatures reach even 2% above present levels. That focuses minds. The problem is focussing the minds of western electorates who live to consume and still don't get it.
Copenhagen climaxed in bewilderment and rancour – much of it synthetic, predictable. The media largely dismissed it all as 'climate chaos' – fulfilling its own prophecy that things would end in confusion and disarray. The climate change 'deniers' have had a field day. The environmentalists expressed shock and dismay at the failure to come up with a legally binding target for cutting greenhouse emissions. “Copenhagen is a crime scene” said Greenpeace, “with the guilty men and women fleeing for the airport in shame.” But the real climate “criminals” weren't freezing in Copenhagen but rushing around the Christmas shopping malls of the northern hemisphere largely oblivious to the shenanigans at COP15. They are the voters who, even after nearly twenty years of climate science, remain unconvinced. It's just too easy to blame Obama and Brown – they lacked the power of public commitment behind them.
But of course, it may never happen. There is, according to the scientists, about a 10% chance that climate change is not caused by us. Most of the world seem happy to live as 'tenpercenters', self-centred sceptics who hope they'll be gone before they know whether their gamble paid off. The men in white coats are no longer figures of authority in society, and the public reserves the right to reject scientific evidence. The playground antics of some environmental activists – people in polar bear suits trying to disrupt crucial climate talks – give Joe Mondeo another reason for sitting back and cracking open a can of Strongbow.
There's no point whining about it – this is just how things are. Democratic politics is not going to deliver resolute action on climate change. Not short of a climate catastrophe, anyway. Western voters simply will not elect any party that tells them to give up their cars and face the inconvenience of living in a no growth, low carbon environment. The developing world will not accept that they must pay for our profligacy. Fortunately we don't live a pure democracy, but a representative one in which political leaders are expected to act responsibly on the basis of the best advice available to them. The much maligned political classes have the task of saving us from ourselves.
Which is why we should offer two cheers at least to the Copenhagen climateers. Yes, even Gordon Brown, who has been an island of sanity in the madness and deserves credit for his efforts. Why does he bother, you ask. There are no votes in it. The reason is posterity, the judgement of history. Imagine, twenty five years hence, if the climate really is in chaos, how will these politicians be judged if they fail to make a serious effort today? What will the Daily Mail be saying then, assuming tabloid journalism still exists? Politicians would probably find themselves in court like war criminals for failing to act on the huge body of scientific evidence about the damaging impact of C02 emissions. Political leaders can't afford to be tenpercenters. They can't say they were only obeying orders either, even though in a democratic sense they are. So, lament the failure of Copenhagen by all means but recognise that we get the climate change summits we deserve. Until the people are convinced, we have to make do with jaw jaw.
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
Copenhagen - does anybody really care?
There’s an advert currently playing Scottish cinemas paid for by the environmental campaign group, Plane Stupid. It shows polar bears falling from the sky, bouncing off tall buildings, and then landing in bloody heaps on the city streets. Killed by plane emissions. It’s pretty disgusting, and when it was shown at a cinema last week the largely youthful audience erupted in derision. “That’s bloody ridiculous. F@@@ing ar@@holes” was one of the comments I overheard. I fear there may be a bit of consumer resistance here, guys.
There may be very little scientific doubt about the reality of man made climate change, but there are signs that, right now, a lot of ordinary people just don’t want to know. It’s not just the internet, which has become a seething hotbed of climate change “denial” as the green campaigners put it. It’s not just the conventional media, that tend to give the isolated opponents of anthropogenic climate change equal status with the vast majority of climate scientists. Even before the scandal at the Climate Research Unit at the University of East Anglia, where some hacked emails suggested that researchers might have manipulated some of the figures, evidence was growing that the public are increasingly sceptical.
An Ipsos Mori poll in the Guardian last year dismayed campaigners by showing that a majority of people in Britain are not convinced by the case for climate change and that many believe that green taxes are just ‘stealth’ taxes. A recent populus poll in the Times suggested that only a quarter of people believe that climate change is the most serious problem the world faces. Research earlier this year by the University of Cardiff, suggests that number of people who do not trust climate scientists about global warming has doubled in the last five years. In America, despite the arrival of Barack Obama, climate change scepticism is also on the march. A Pew poll in October found that 57% of Americans believe the earth is warming, down from 71% in April 2008. Only 36% put this down to human activities, compared with 47% last year.
Now, it isn’t all bad. Most people do believe that the climate is changing and that we need to be concerned about it. But this disconnect between the scientific establishment and the public is extremely worrying, not least on the eve of a Copenhagen Summit which many believe will end in deadlock. It has emboldened countries like Saudi Arabia, that rely on oil for a living, to start saying that the climate case is unproven. Simultaneously, the galaxy of green organisations, which used to be so much part of British youth culture, seem to have lost their voice. This may be because the environmentalists are now part of the establishment. Gordon Brown increasingly sounds like a spokesman for Greenpeace, condemning “flat earthers” who deny global warming.
Since the Stern Report two years ago, governments across the world have largely fallien into line behind the case for anthropogenic climate change. This has left a vacuum of dissent which is being filled by the sometimes rabid climate sceptics of the blogosphere. There is endemic suspicion today of politicians and scientists - it is one of the defining characteristics of the age of paranoia. The mere fact that governments think the climate is changing is enough to make many antiestablishment minded people believe that the whole thing must be a hoax. Or just a false alarm - like the millennium bug, bird flu, BSE or any of a hundred health scares over the last decade.
The internet has allowed this climate scepticism to flourish. Indeed, the undermining of the case for man made climate change may be the first major achievement of the blogosphere - its first dubious entry into public affairs. The sheer volume of negative commentary on climate change on the internet is astonishing, and is enough to make any casual internet surfer believe that climate change is at best just a questionable theory. The environmentalists, for all their early adoption of the internet, don’t seem to be able to mobilise effectively on it. Scientists don’t blog - or if they do it is on erudite websites that don't come up on Google.
The argument is over in the scientific community. All the national science academies of the industrialised countries accept that the climate is changing and that we are largely responsible. So do all the world’s leading scientific organisations like the American Association for the Advancement of Science, the Royal Colleges, the European Science Foundation, the US National Research Council. The Meteorological Office, American Meteorological Society, the World Meteorological Organisations. These organisations endorse the assessment of the 2,500 scientists of the UN Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, that there is about a 90% chance that it is happening and we are responsible. You can't buck the scientific consensus. But it doesn’t mean a thing if the public don’t believe it.
Sunday, December 06, 2009
Tell the bankers where to go
There comes a time in the affairs of men, as Roosevelt said, when the people decide that enough is enough. When the national mood hardens from indignation to resolve, and politicians are forced finally to act. It happened when the House of Lords, a bastion of unelected privilege, tried to destroy Lloyd George’s welfare budgets before the First World War - that led to a curb on the legislative power of the Upper House.
Arguably it happened again during the Winter of Discontent, thirty years ago, when the public finally decided that the trades union barons had simply got out of control. That led to Margaret Thatcher, the industrial relations acts and the destruction of the trades union movement. And I believe it is happening again with British bankers following last week’s disastrous attempt by the Royal Bank of Scotland to hold the country to ransom
A bit over the top that? Bankers don’t do ransom, do they? They’re decent chaps who went to good schools and give to charity. They wouldn’t hold a gun to the head of the government and demand £1.5 billion pounds with menaces, like Alan Rickman in Die Hard. Actually, they would and that is exactly what they did last week. The board of Royal Bank of Scotland said, in effect, give us the money or we will wreck this bank, bring down the government and endanger the financial system. The RBS is one of the biggest banks in the world, with a balance sheet of over £2trillion - more than the GDP of the entire UK.. If the board had resigned the City of London would’ve been plunged into chaos: bank stocks would’ve crashed and other banks would likely have withdrawn their funds, risking another Lehmans.
The Royal banksters were behaving far worse than any trades unionists in the 1970, using their economic leverage to demand excessive reward, holding the country to ransom, threatening the livelihoods of millions. The difference is that no trades unionist never went on strike for a million pound pay claim. And when they went to number ten, they only expected beer and sandwiches - not a banking rescue that has so far amounted to £850,000,000,000 of taxpayers money, according to the Audit Commission.
Now regular readers of this column will know that I don’t hold bankers in particularly high regard. Banking is relatively simple way of making money. When you borrow money from the Bank of England at base lending rate of 0,5% and then lend it out to mortgages at 5% and to small businesses at 10.5%, it doesn’t take a genius to work out how they make their money in RBS. There is nothing in retai banking that couldn’t be done by a competent civil servant earning £60,000 a year.
Not, I grant you, investment banking which is an altogether more demanding activity, involving big risks on complex financial instruments. But surely we have learned by now that high street banks should not be engaging in casino banking because it puts at risk the savings of millions of people. Speculation with other peoples’ money is not only immoral, it is highly dangerous to the fiancial system as a whole. Investment banking should be a wholly private activity - like hedge funds and private equity - conducted by savvy investors who get high rewards when they win, but don’t come running to the government when they lose.
Forget the nonsense about “fiduciary duty” and the risk of RBS losing its best bankers. There’s no fiduciary duty to pay excessive salaries in a nationalised industry, and if the speculators want to leave, let them. There are traders in Royal Bank of Scotland earning £20 million a year, and they don’t behave like Captain Mainwairing in Dad’s Army. These were the over-paid spivs who caused the crash. A culture of avaricious self-destructive short termism is alive and well in the City and living off our tax receipts. Which is exactly what this column forecast would happen after the banking rescue last year when, instead of restructuring the banking sector, the government allowed giant behemoth banks, unreformed and unrepentant, to gain access to almost unlimited amounts of public money. They know they are too big to fail, so they are throwing their weight about.
This isn’t just an issue for the City of London. We learned last week that over eight hundred public sector employees are earning more than the prime minister. Nowadays, it is possible to earn more than a million a year as a public servant. Pen pushing bureaucrats in dowdy council offices, many of them virtually unemployable, are now strutting around like Fred Goodwin shooting their cuffs and demanding bonuses to give them an ‘incentive’. Countless hospital administrators are parking their BMWs and gabbling clichés from The Apprentice. Finance culture has damaged he fabric of the economy by turning us into a nation of bonus hunters, while, British manufacturing has shrunk to only 11% of GDP.
Thanks to our overdependence on financial services, Britain is last out of recession and so heavily overdrawn that there's a real danger that the world is about to foreclose on Great Britain PLC. We are on course for a deficit of 13% of GDP - the highest in the G8 and unsustainable. The public sector is going to have to be cut. People are going to lose their jobs. Services will disappear. No government can curb public sector pay and demand these kind of sacrifices while allowing state owned bankers to pay themselves billions in bonuses. Every one of those RBS board members would have been out of a job if the Bank of You and Me hadn’t come along with unlimited overdraft facilities.
Well no more. The British public will not stand for it. Across the entire United Kingdom on Thursday, motorists were pulling into lay-bys and furiously texting to the nearest radio station their disgust at what they had been hearing from RBS. BBC drive time presenters struggled to cope with the magnitude of public anger. The government must now listen to the people, block the bonuses, and drag bankers into the real world. And if the RBS board threaten to resign, the Chancellor should say, in the words of Oliver Cromwell: 'Depart, I say, and let us have done with you. In the name of God, go!'
Thursday, December 03, 2009
"Climate Change is a Lie and a Fraud"
Well, that's what a lot of people think following the revelations at the University of East Anglia, where climate scientists appeared to be manipulating data on global warming.
But if this is really what you think, you are pitting yourself against the overwhelming consensus among scientists world-wide.
There is not a single credible scientific organisation - as opposed to individual scientists - in the world that still disputes the case for climate change.
All the national academies of science of all the industrialised countries accept the case for man made climate change.
Here's a list of the world's leading scientific organisations that have looked at anthropogenic climate change. Click on the links to see why they think this.
Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change
U.S. Global Change Research Program
European Science Foundation
American Association for the Advancement of Science
American Geophysical Union
National Research Council (US)
American Geophysical Union
Arctic Climate Impact Assessment
Federation of Australian Scientific and Technological Societies
European Federation of Geologists
European Geosciences Union
American Meteorological Society
Royal Meteorological Society
World Meteorological Organization
Australian Meteorological and Oceanographic Society
Society of American Foresters
World Federation of Public Health Associations
American Institute of Physics
American Physical Society
Canadian Foundation for Climate and Atmospheric Sciences
European Academy of Sciences and Arts
International Council of Academies of Engineering and Technological Sciences
International Council of Academies of Engineering and Technological Sciences
But if this is really what you think, you are pitting yourself against the overwhelming consensus among scientists world-wide.
There is not a single credible scientific organisation - as opposed to individual scientists - in the world that still disputes the case for climate change.
All the national academies of science of all the industrialised countries accept the case for man made climate change.
Here's a list of the world's leading scientific organisations that have looked at anthropogenic climate change. Click on the links to see why they think this.
Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change
U.S. Global Change Research Program
European Science Foundation
American Association for the Advancement of Science
American Geophysical Union
National Research Council (US)
American Geophysical Union
Arctic Climate Impact Assessment
Federation of Australian Scientific and Technological Societies
European Federation of Geologists
European Geosciences Union
American Meteorological Society
Royal Meteorological Society
World Meteorological Organization
Australian Meteorological and Oceanographic Society
Society of American Foresters
World Federation of Public Health Associations
American Institute of Physics
American Physical Society
Canadian Foundation for Climate and Atmospheric Sciences
European Academy of Sciences and Arts
International Council of Academies of Engineering and Technological Sciences
International Council of Academies of Engineering and Technological Sciences
Universality of Cheese-gate. A Blogger Writes AGAIN
Well, I stand corrected. I've rarely seen such a considered and thoughful clutch of comments on any blog post. How embarrassing for poncy pundit. Too much to comment on so I've done a post. I fully accept that I come from an age before new media, being a preening presenter and professional pontificator. Many did behave like Gods talking down the the little people - though I don't think I did.
It may also be that, like the shipyards, hacks like me are on my way out - obsolete technology. Replaced by citizen journalists and bloggers. The web has blown open our cosy monopoly of comment. I accept also that the blogosphere is more democratic in the sense that it allows a greater expression of views than in the old elitist printed press that was handed down from on high.
On the other hand, there was something about the way in which newspapers and print periodicals were edited and created which is worth preserving, if it can be. Editorial discrmination is important in any published medium, and that is what the web is, though most people have taken some time to realise this. This is not just to ensure that what is written is reasonably accurate, legal, fair. But also that it is thoughtful, considered, coherent, elegant even. This is important if communication is not just to become a shouting match, where everybody descends into abuse.
I think this is what has tended to happen on the blogosphere in the past. But I think things are perhaps beginning to change now, and the character of the posts on this blog may be an indication of that. Blogging is also, like newspapers, going just a little out of fashion, with fewer fewer being created and updated. See"Twitter and FacebookMmake Blogs Look So 2004" . I think one of the reasons social networking has gained popularity is that, unlike blogs, they are not quasi-publications, but are directed at a target audience, preselected. They are about conversation among friends. This means people don't have to put up with the crazies as bloggers do. Really, there is nothing I have come across anywhere in public life that is quite as unpleasant as blogging if you have a recognisable name.
But it also means that the crazies may be moving on. In which case, the blogosphere will become a much more important vehicle of debate and become more of a published and written medium than a conversational one. Look, I know that this sounds terribly pompous and a bit precious, but think about it. If you were following a blog that you wanted your teenage children to read, what would you like it to look and sound like?
The trolls and cybernats realise that the time is up anyway, because anonymity - which has been the scourge of the web - is itself on its way out. There is a real possiblity following Cheese-gate that order and - dare I say it - a degree of discipline might now start appearing in the blogosphere. Soon everyone will know where everyone lives.
Mega brill. But it doesn't stop all you nasty bloggers putting me out of a job! Wot about the workers!
It may also be that, like the shipyards, hacks like me are on my way out - obsolete technology. Replaced by citizen journalists and bloggers. The web has blown open our cosy monopoly of comment. I accept also that the blogosphere is more democratic in the sense that it allows a greater expression of views than in the old elitist printed press that was handed down from on high.
On the other hand, there was something about the way in which newspapers and print periodicals were edited and created which is worth preserving, if it can be. Editorial discrmination is important in any published medium, and that is what the web is, though most people have taken some time to realise this. This is not just to ensure that what is written is reasonably accurate, legal, fair. But also that it is thoughtful, considered, coherent, elegant even. This is important if communication is not just to become a shouting match, where everybody descends into abuse.
I think this is what has tended to happen on the blogosphere in the past. But I think things are perhaps beginning to change now, and the character of the posts on this blog may be an indication of that. Blogging is also, like newspapers, going just a little out of fashion, with fewer fewer being created and updated. See"Twitter and FacebookMmake Blogs Look So 2004" . I think one of the reasons social networking has gained popularity is that, unlike blogs, they are not quasi-publications, but are directed at a target audience, preselected. They are about conversation among friends. This means people don't have to put up with the crazies as bloggers do. Really, there is nothing I have come across anywhere in public life that is quite as unpleasant as blogging if you have a recognisable name.
But it also means that the crazies may be moving on. In which case, the blogosphere will become a much more important vehicle of debate and become more of a published and written medium than a conversational one. Look, I know that this sounds terribly pompous and a bit precious, but think about it. If you were following a blog that you wanted your teenage children to read, what would you like it to look and sound like?
The trolls and cybernats realise that the time is up anyway, because anonymity - which has been the scourge of the web - is itself on its way out. There is a real possiblity following Cheese-gate that order and - dare I say it - a degree of discipline might now start appearing in the blogosphere. Soon everyone will know where everyone lives.
Mega brill. But it doesn't stop all you nasty bloggers putting me out of a job! Wot about the workers!
Marxist conspiracy at Royal Bank of Scotland
At last it can be revealed: the conspiracy to destroy our western liberal way of life. How a tightly knit group of anarchist revolutionaries infiltrated the City of London and Edinburgh's banking sector and have used their inside influence to bring about the downfall of the capitalist system.
Working under deep cover, moles in the Royal Bank of Scotland have destroyed the image of banking once and for all, by awarding themselves billions in bonuses, just as millions of voters are plunging into debt and losing their jobs. RBS board have threatened to resign if the government tries to stop them increasing bonuses by 50%, even though the bank is 80% state owned. Only a week ago we learned that £62 billion in secret loans had been handed to RBS and HBOS a without the public being informed - the biggest bank raid in history, only it was the banks robbing the people.
Working under deep cover, moles in the Royal Bank of Scotland have destroyed the image of banking once and for all, by awarding themselves billions in bonuses, just as millions of voters are plunging into debt and losing their jobs. RBS board have threatened to resign if the government tries to stop them increasing bonuses by 50%, even though the bank is 80% state owned. Only a week ago we learned that £62 billion in secret loans had been handed to RBS and HBOS a without the public being informed - the biggest bank raid in history, only it was the banks robbing the people.
Other agent provocateurs in the financial sector have been spreading the word about how million pound salaries have become commonplace in the City of London - the final insult to all those hard-working taxpayers who paid for the rescue of the banks last year. The banks have even continued charging ludicrous overdraft fees to people who go just a few pounds or even pence into the red. Clearly, these individuals will stop at nothing in their determination to discredit the capitalism..
Well, how else can we explain the extraordinary events of the past year? The world economy brought to its knees by obscure devices like Collateralised Debt Obligations and Credit Default Swaps. These were self-destruct mechanisms fed into the international financial system by evil geniuses bent on undermining the market system. The banks wouldn’t destory themselves, would they? How ridiculous.
The Marxist moles rubbed their hands with glee as their financial weapons of mass destruction erupted across the planet. There was a global recession, businesses closed, millions were thrown out of work. Leon Trotsky himself could not have written a better script for the collapse of capitalism. Governments across the world were forced to pump in trillions of dollars to the banks plunging whole nations into debt.
Even now, despite record profits, banks are still not lending to small businesses, stifling economic recovery, and are even starting to trade mortgage derivatives once again. These people are clearly incapable of controlling their greed or their addiction to risk. Gorged on public funds, unrestrained by regulation, untouched by democracy, untrammeled by conscience, the anarcho-bankers are hard at work stoking up the next crisis. Bye bye Dubai.
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
Universality of Cheese-gate. A Blogger Writes.
A number of people in Scottish public life are feeling distinctly uneasy following the outing of Mark MacLachlan as the 'evil genius' behind the cybernat blog "The Universality of Cheese". A lot of politicians, some of them quite prominent, have been posting anonymous vituperation on the blogosphere. They know who they are - and the rest of the world probably will soon too. The stuff is there forever, if you know where to find it. Mark discovered just how easy it is for nosey hacks to trawl through months of postings to find the few incriminating remarks that, strung together, make you sound like a cyber thug.
A number of people have expressed sympathy for Mark MacLachlan, including the estimable Joan McAlpine saying that he is a cultured citizen of the world, a man of intellect and ability. That he is not a venomous cybernat spreading vile smears about other people in public life. Others have pointed out that the things he said were really rather tame and commonplace on the web and are only really offensive when taken out of context. But this is precisely the problem with the blogosphere - it's so easy to say things that you later might regret - especially when they are mashed up by the News of the World. And if his remarks were so benign, why did Mike Russell, his boss, sack him the instant he heard that Mark was behind cheesy blog?
Actually, I'm surprised no one has seriously questioned Mike Russell whether he was aware of the existence of "The Universality of Cheese" blog and MacLachlan's alter ego, Montague Burton. I can't believe he wasn't. He is one of the foremost exponents of new media in the party, and was himself into websites and the blogosphere before most politicians and journalists. He had his own website which he closed down for political reasons. His blogs have become private since he became a minister. Mike Russell was a victim himself of the blogosphere blowback, and it would be extremely surprising if he hadn't at least had some suspicions as to the identity of Montague Burton, even if he didn't endorse his cybersmears.
Look I'm not trying to attack Mike Russell, the new Education Secretary, who is one of the ablest and most intelligent politicians in Scotland. But I suspect that the outing of the cybernats is going to continue and it is likely to damage a lot of prominent people. The point is that the kind of things Mark MacLachlan was saying, and the manner in which they were expressed, were quite acceptable in the discourse of the pub, or the committee room, but not in wider public debate where the rules are different.
And it's no use citing other blogs like Guido Fawkes in Mark's defence. That just makes the case. The standard of debate on the internet is dire and deeply depressing. This is the main reason that people have turned away from blogging and taken to social networking sites like Facebook where they can avoid being abused by anonymous idiots. Many people I know don't put comments on blogs that they read because they just don't want to be part of the slime.
As this blog has pointed out before - and has even demonstraed in practice - there is an inbuilt bias on the blogosphere toward vituperation. It is written into the very architecture of the web. The surest way to get noticed on the internet - to generate traffic, attract links, get ranked on Google - is to attack people in the most offensive way possible. It makes blogs come alive. Most blogs aren't really there to be read, they're there to be reacted to.
Which is fine. No problem with people ranting away in space if that's what they want to do - in private. But people need to remember that this is a published medium - just like newspapers. Anonymity is no longer a way of concealing identity, and it is certainly no defence in the law. Increasingly, you have to be absolutely sure not only that what you are saying is legal, but also that you can stand by it when it is public - and it almost certainly will be made public - because it is out there FOREVER.
The anonymity of the web is the real problem - it leads to blog rage. I hated reading the comments that used to be posted on my sites here, at the Herald and at the Guardian. After a while it becomes nauseating and depressing. As I've said before, it's like addressing a public meeting where the audience are all wearing Donnie Darko masks. That's why I stopped blogging - or rather turned the blog into an online column based on the material I write for print. Iain Macwhirter Now and Then is really an anti-blog.
I hate and rage myself, of course, but I try not to do it in public. I only write on a blog something I would be happy to seen in print with my name on it. If Mark had done the same thing, he would still be employed.
A number of people have expressed sympathy for Mark MacLachlan, including the estimable Joan McAlpine saying that he is a cultured citizen of the world, a man of intellect and ability. That he is not a venomous cybernat spreading vile smears about other people in public life. Others have pointed out that the things he said were really rather tame and commonplace on the web and are only really offensive when taken out of context. But this is precisely the problem with the blogosphere - it's so easy to say things that you later might regret - especially when they are mashed up by the News of the World. And if his remarks were so benign, why did Mike Russell, his boss, sack him the instant he heard that Mark was behind cheesy blog?
Look I'm not trying to attack Mike Russell, the new Education Secretary, who is one of the ablest and most intelligent politicians in Scotland. But I suspect that the outing of the cybernats is going to continue and it is likely to damage a lot of prominent people. The point is that the kind of things Mark MacLachlan was saying, and the manner in which they were expressed, were quite acceptable in the discourse of the pub, or the committee room, but not in wider public debate where the rules are different.
And it's no use citing other blogs like Guido Fawkes in Mark's defence. That just makes the case. The standard of debate on the internet is dire and deeply depressing. This is the main reason that people have turned away from blogging and taken to social networking sites like Facebook where they can avoid being abused by anonymous idiots. Many people I know don't put comments on blogs that they read because they just don't want to be part of the slime.
As this blog has pointed out before - and has even demonstraed in practice - there is an inbuilt bias on the blogosphere toward vituperation. It is written into the very architecture of the web. The surest way to get noticed on the internet - to generate traffic, attract links, get ranked on Google - is to attack people in the most offensive way possible. It makes blogs come alive. Most blogs aren't really there to be read, they're there to be reacted to.
Which is fine. No problem with people ranting away in space if that's what they want to do - in private. But people need to remember that this is a published medium - just like newspapers. Anonymity is no longer a way of concealing identity, and it is certainly no defence in the law. Increasingly, you have to be absolutely sure not only that what you are saying is legal, but also that you can stand by it when it is public - and it almost certainly will be made public - because it is out there FOREVER.
The anonymity of the web is the real problem - it leads to blog rage. I hated reading the comments that used to be posted on my sites here, at the Herald and at the Guardian. After a while it becomes nauseating and depressing. As I've said before, it's like addressing a public meeting where the audience are all wearing Donnie Darko masks. That's why I stopped blogging - or rather turned the blog into an online column based on the material I write for print. Iain Macwhirter Now and Then is really an anti-blog.
I hate and rage myself, of course, but I try not to do it in public. I only write on a blog something I would be happy to seen in print with my name on it. If Mark had done the same thing, he would still be employed.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Questions, questions. Just how many options does the SNP need?
Er, just how many questions is that again? Once upon a time independence was a simple matter - you just asked people whether or not they agreed that: “The Scottish Government should negotiate a settlement with the government of the UK so that Scotland becomes an independent state”. That’s how it was in the original draft bill published by the SNP in 2007. Now, anything goes.
Today’s St Andrews Day surprise from the SNP government, we are told, is that there are going to be four options presented in today’s White Paper. There will be Independence (see above); ‘Devolution Max, or fiscal freedom short of independence; a Calman Commission option of shared income tax; and our old friend the Status Quo - whatever the hell that is.
But why stop there? Why not have a full federal option, whereby there is a formal separation of powers with Westminster, as favoured by the Liberal Democrats? What about an Iceland option, where you become independent but stay out of the European Union. Many people might favour a Republican question, whereby Scotland is no longer subject to the arbitrary influence of a constitutional monarch. An Alaskan option might also be considered whereby Scotland remains in the union, as a federal state, but retains control of oil revenues and has diplomatic ties with Russia. Or a Ruritanian option where Scotland declares itself independent, and then does nothing at all except march up and down.
This is all getting a little silly. You can’t have a meaningful referendum with four options. The results would be so various that it could be almost impossible to achieve a consensus. Mike Russell, the Constitution Minister, insisted yesterday that there will not be four actual questions on the ballot paper, which will not be published until next year. But if there are four constitutionally valid options, I don’t see how you can avoid putting them all before the people.
The great virtue of the 1997 devolution referendum was that the questions were very clear and transparent. You could see what you were voting for, and as a result there was an overwhelming affirmation of the favoured constitutional option: a Scottish Parliament with primary legislative powers. That three to one majority in 1997 ended the constitutional debate for a generation. Having four options would simply create a huge argument, not so much a national conversation as a national rammy.
Presumably, this option-inflation is an attempt by the SNP to confuse the issue - to turn the debate into a kind of constitutional soup into which all the constitutional options dissolve, allowing the SNP to get along with governing under devolution which, until now, they had been doing very successfully. The ‘multi-option’ option is a also a distraction from the inconvenient truth that Scots really don’t want to be bothered with constitutional change, at least not now. The latest Ipsos/Mori poll suggests that support for independence is down to 25% and that only 20% of Scots want an early referendum.
This stands to reason. Asking people in the middle of a recession whether they want to tinker with the constitution seems slightly indecent - like asking an unemployed man whether he would prefer to be in an English or a Scottish dole queue. There are more pressing matters - which doesn’t mean the issue has gone away. In the Mori poll, 50% agreed with having a referendum “in a few years” In present circumstances, with the SNP government in mid term difficulties, that’s not at all bad. Maybe Alex should quite while he’s ahead; maybe that’s exactly what he is trying to do today. Lay the independence question to rest for a few years while they sort themselves out.
This St Andrews Day is turning into a bit of a nightmare for the SNP. These disappointing polling returns follow defeats on key policies like minimum alcohol pricing and local income tax, Labour’s crushing majority in Glasgow North East by election, and an epic bust up with local authorities over class sizes. Alex Salmond is beginning to look a little like Gordon Brown. There’s even a nationalist sleaze scandal - Universality of Cheese-gate - where a nationalist aide to the Constitutional Affairs Minister, Mike Russell, has been caught spreading abusive and highly offensive hate mail over the internet. Shades of Labour’s Damian MacBride and his vile smears from Number Ten. The rebarbative behaviour of the cyber-nats is hardly news, but it is a shock to discover that one of them was under the wing of Mike Russell, one of the most enlightened figures in the SNP.
When things start to go wrong in government they all go wrong together. It will take extraordinary skill to get through the next six months with the government’s integrity intact. Alex Salmond faces defeat of the referendum bill in parliament, defeat at the general election and the disintegration of the “historic” concordat with Scottish local authorities. Press commentators are poised to declare the beginning of the end for Alex Salmond and the end of the end for independence. We will no doubt be reading soon how Nicola Sturgeon - who performed with her usual effortless competence on Question Time last week - should be taking over from Shrek before the SNP lose the plot entirely. But I wouldn’t write of the big man yet.
And we shouldn’t write off independence entirely yet either. Or rather we should, but for a reason. What we will see today, I believe, is the SNP coming to terms with reality - which is that formal independence is becoming increasingly marginal to Scottish constitutional politics. Everyone knows that the referendum on independence isn’t going to happen. The debate is now all about extending home rule - how far and how fast.
The Calman Report, for all its faults, is a tribute to the success of the SNP in office. All the unionist parties now support giving Holyrood, greater tax powers - something that would have been inconceivable only three years ago. Whoever wins the next UK election, something like Calman is going to be introduced and this will require the active co-operation of the SNP government. This will be an opportunity for the SNP to turn Calman into something workable: to convert devolution min to devolution max.
That’s if they remain in office - and that’s not looking at all certain any more, after this St Andrews Day nightmare. Alex Salmond needs to get a grip, put aside multi option metaphysics and focus on winning the Scottish election in 2011.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
The St Andrews Day Cringe.
The world is dancing to a Scottish jig today, or so we're told. From the 12th Annual St Andrew's Ball in Baku; the Kirkin' o' the Tartan's Scottish gathering in Sydney; and on to Java where "a Scottish Ceilidh Band will stir all to their feet with the finest ceilidh music to be heard east of Krakatoa", according to Scotland.org. Rock on. Oh – and there'll be a few events in Scotland as well. Like synchronised smearing from cyber nats like Mark McLachlan and his Unversality of Cheese graters.
I always feel uncomfortable about St Andrews Day. There always seems to be something slightly bogus about it. In Norway, Iceland Ireland they have no problem with celebrating their national day with a sense of collecive pride. But here it always seems to be polluted by politics – which I suppose given the constitutional DEBATE is inevitable. The SNP see it as a recruiting pageant and Labourites see it as nationalist propaganda exercise.
The Scottish National Party have colonised St Andrews Day and used it this year not only as a climax to the “Year of Homecoming” but as the moment to pop the question on independence – or rather to publish their white paper for a referendum on separation to take place – inevitably – on St Andrews Day 2010. This has been roundly condemned by the Labour opposition as a waste of time and money and a needless distraction from the urgent task of hauling Scotland out of recession. Commentators think the SNP is on a loser because support for independence seems to be waning, in recent opinion polls, and that today will be a St Andrews Day damp squib which will confirm that the SNP's honeymoon is well and truly over.
The bill will certainly not get through the Scottish parliament as it stands because it is opposed by the a majority of MSPs. But that doesn't mean Alex Salmond is daft tabling it. I don't think anyone in the party seriously believes that the Labour leader, Iain Gray, will be so moved by Alex Salmond's oratory that he will tearfully assent to the ballot taking place on the SNP timetable, but the bill represents the honouring of an election pledge and sends a message, not least to the SNP rank and file that the SNP leadership has not forgotten about its historic mission. Then we can forget about it until after the next election.
But is the independence project still viable? Is it still on a roll? Well, it depends how you look at it,Yesterday’s Mori/Ipsos poll suggested that only 25% of Scots want to leave the UK. – but historically formal independence has rarely had the support of more than a third of the Scottish voters. That hasn't stopped the SNP being extraordinarily successful under Alex Salmond and moving Scotland in the direction of ever greater autonomy.
In a way, the Calman Commission report, and Labour's white paper last week, is a measure of the success of the SNP. For the first time in Scottish history, the three opposition parties – Labour, Liberal Democrats and the Scottish Tories have united behind a proposal to give the Scottish parliament extensive tax powers. That would never have happened had the SNP not won power in Holyrood in 2007 and forced the unionist parties to come up with a better offering than independence.
Now, I know that many people believe that Calman isn't worth the paper it's printed on, and that it's a unionist trap. The estimable Nicola McEwen of Edinburgh University has described it as “not so much devoluion max as devolution and a little bit”. The tax powers are incoherent and piecemeal, the borrowing powers are unworkable and it doesn't address qurestions like Scotland's right to a share of oil revenues. True. But I think we are missing the constitutional wood for the presentational trees.
Clearly, Calman is not a proposal for full fiscal autonomy, nor is it a fully worked out federal model, since it doesn't propose constitutional changes at the federal, ie Westminster, level. But just look what it does do: Calman establishes, for the first time, the principle of fiscal accountability, transparency – that the Scottish parliament should raise the money it spends. Calman not only proposes the partial repatriation of income tax, it also proposes that Scotland should have new taxes like stamp duty. It is quite remarkable that the unionist parties put their names to this report – especially the Tories.
Of course, George Osborne has distanced himself from last week’s Labour white paper, but importantly he has accepted the principle that the parliament should raise the money it spends. If the Tories are elected next May, I believe they will try to impose some system of fiscal accountability to Scotland, partly to address the complaints from Tory backbenchers and the London press about Scotland getting too much public money, and partly because they need to force through radical cuts in spending across the board. With a nationalist government in Holyrood, the surest way to achieve this would be through fiscal autonomy because as we all know, the amount raised by taxation in Scotland is considerably less than what is spent here.
If Labour win, then they will try to implement Calman. But they will have to do it with the active cooperation of the Scottish parliament. It couldn't just be handed down from on high because that would have zero legitimacy. This suggests to me that the Scottish government would be able to argue strongly for a better arrangement, if not right away, then in a few years time.
I believe this is why Alex Salmond has been willing to accept that 'third question' on the referendum ballot paper – the 'devo max' option, based on Calman. It may be a unionist proposal, but so was the Scottish parliament. People said that devolution was a trap, a half way house that would never work, a means of undermining independence. It was – but it was also a democratically elected legislature which has steadily drawn power to itself. Calman would be an important new stage in the evolution of Scottish democracy.
So, while the SNP may not be doing so well right now, the momentum is still towards Scottish autonomy. The truth is that independence is paradoxically, a goal that will never be reached because full separation is no longer possible. It isn't the destination that matters, but the journey.
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Reviews of the year and the decade are really just a journalistic device for filling space during the winter holiday season. But somehow events conspire to arrange themselves accordingly. For it is impossible not to look at the last 10 years as a meaningful collision of events. It cries out as the decade of delusion – and 2009 was the year in which, to mix metaphors, the delusions all came home to roost.
A global economic crisis brought to an end a decade of cheap money, hyper-consumerism, bankers’ hubris and unsustainable debt. In politics, our illusions about the Westminster system were shattered when it was revealed that our “honourable members” are as capable of petty corruption as the “wabenzi” of any dysfunctional African state. And at the end of a decade in which we all tried to ignore the reality of climate change, the world’s leaders finally came together in Copenhagen to disagree on how to tackle it. It’s as if someone had planned it all, like a Hollywood blockbuster, leaving the climax till the last reel. Unfortunately, there’s no happy ending.
The cosy delusion that climate change could be tackled by co-operation and consensus was blown out of the water as China emerged as a self-interested world superpower determined to be recognised as co-equal with America in decisions about the planet’s future. The poor and vulnerable nations were left out in the cold – or rather in the hot, since low-lying countries like Bangladesh and the Sudan are likely to be the first casualties of global warming.
As temperatures rise, so will conflict as poor countries who consider themselves victims seek compensation from rich countries who don’t accept they are to blame. There is a sense of injustice developing which could fuel terrorist movements that make al-Qaeda look like a branch of Friends Of The Earth.
And we’re not good at dealing with terrorism. The pivotal event of the decade was, of course, the plane-bombing of the World Trade Centre on 9/11 by Bin Laden jihadists. As the twin towers smouldered, President Bush declared a “war against terror” – to which Tony Blair was the first naive recruit – and then perversely went on to attack a country which had nothing to do with the bombing or with al-Qaeda. The British people were told that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction that could destroy us in 45 minutes – which must count as one of the biggest lies in the history of modern warfare. The Iraq invasion played into the hands of the mullahs and militants whose websites claimed it as proof that Western “crusaders” are determined to crush Islam.
Never has a political leadership – the Bush administration – proved to be so militarily inept, so morally deficient, so lacking in political vision or the instinct for self-preservation. The war in Iraq, which the new US President Barack Obama has promised to end in 18 months, has cost more than a trillion dollars and 4000 American lives, and led to hundreds of thousands of Iraqi deaths. It has been a diplomatic and military disaster, leaving America a bankrupt pariah – a dumb and dumber superpower humiliated by a few thousand Islamic militants. And for an encore? Another hopeless engagement, this time in Afghanistan, propping up the corrupt and untrustworthy regime of President Hamid Karzai. Throughout 2009, exhausted British soldiers have fought and died valiantly with inadequate equipment and without any clear idea of what they are actually doing there or what they hope to achieve.
Back home, the noughties were the years when everyone became obsessed, as never before in modern history, with house prices. For most of the decade the value of this one asset rose year-on-year in double digits, leaving us a nation divided between those who have made huge capital gains out of doing nothing and a new generation who can’t get a roof over their heads. It will be regarded by history as the ultimate delusion: that you could build an economy on ever-increasing house prices, as if money grew on trees.
British manufacturing dwindled as our economy became dominated by financial services, managing the assets of the property-owning classes. British consumers shopped till they dropped, and when they ran out of money took another chunk of equity out of their homes or took on ever bigger mortgages.
House prices were not just a Daily Mail obsession, they were absolutely central to the financial crash of 2008/9. Bonds based on the nominal values of homes owned by sub-prime borrowers in US inner cities became traded as if they were safe as, er, houses. It was utter madness. Bankers were earning bonuses of hundreds of thousands of pounds a year buying and selling financial instruments they didn’t understand, or didn’t want to understand. When someone asked the awkward question of what these mortgage bonds were really worth, the whole system collapsed. Banks refused to lend to each other because they no longer trusted each other to be honest about their solvency. Indeed, most banks in Britain and America became insolvent and remained so throughout 2009, supported by the taxpayer. The public ended up owning most of RBS, the biggest bank in Britain, and supporting the rest through a £1 trillion bail-out.
The crash turned politics upside down, with Labour initially defending the City of London, and the Tories, under David Cameron, calling for an end to bank bonuses and the curbing of financiers. However, during 2009, the political parties reverted to type, with the Conservatives calling for deep cuts in public spending to get Britain out of debt, while Labour insisted that the priority must be to keep the economy from slipping back into recession. As the stock market has rallied recently, so has Prime Minister Gordon Brown, whose popularity has been flatlining all year. Suddenly, there is hope.
But no-one should be under any illusion that the fundamental problems of the British, or the world economy, have been addressed. Colossal public spending and near-zero interest rates have brought economies like ours back from the brink. But the banks are still hiding the true scale of their losses and Britain has not worked out how it is going to pay its way in the world now that the banking sector is, well, bankrupt. Britain is borrowing £20bn a week and running a public deficit of 13%, which is simply unsustainable, though Brown hopes the roof won’t fall in until he is back in Number 10 after the next General Election.
The banking crisis turned into an unexpected political crisis for the Scottish National Party. First Minister Alex Salmond has had cause to regret holding up countries such as Iceland and Ireland as role models for an independent Scotland. If Scotland had the misfortune to be fully independent last year, the government would have been left slashing wages and public spending because the country had become even more dependent on scumbag bankers than the Celtic Tiger. As it is, Scotland faces real term reductions in public spending through the Barnett mechanism. SNP election pledges have fallen like needles off a Christmas tree: local income tax, student debt, first-time buyers’ grants, smaller class-sizes, the Scottish Futures Trust.
It’s by no means clear, however, that the Nationalist experiment is over in Scotland. Indeed, the very scale of the financial crisis, and the big cuts coming south of the Border, have given the SNP a get-out-of-jail-free-card as far as broken manifesto pledges are concerned. Mr Salmond remains extremely popular and has until now played a blinder leading Scotland’s first minority government. However, in 2009, there was a growing sense that the SNP isn’t quite sure where it goes from here. There is a tension between the social democratic wing identified with Health Secretary Nicola Sturgeon, and the neo-liberal instincts of the Finance Secretary John Swinney, which may become acute when spending cuts become a reality in 2010.
The public meanwhile are bemused at Mr Salmond’s enthusiasm for holding a referendum on independence which the polls suggest he would lose. There isn’t a snowball’s chance of the current referendum bill being passed by the Unionist majority in the Scottish Parliament – unless Labour decide to call the Nationalists’ bluff. The SNP leadership are hoping that a slash-and-burn Tory government in Westminster will give Scots the stomach for constitutional change, but that is by no means certain and Labour could even find itself leading opposition to the Tories in Westminster.
So, is Scotland any closer to independence in 2009? Not really – people don’t like to go out on their own in a storm, and the financial crisis is far from over. The success of the SNP has largely been down to Mr Salmond’s political genius rather than a popular desire to leave the UK. Its success is also down to the Scotland Act, 10 years young, which set up the Scottish Parliament and gave a determined government scope to make a real impact within the flexible terms of the devolution settlement. There will be no going back for the Union.
The decade of devolution has seen something of a reversal of fortunes between Holyrood and Westminster. In the early years of the noughties, it was the Scottish Parliament that seemed mired in scandal and expenses rows. MPs up from Westminster shook their heads in disbelief at the latest lobby-gate, taxi-gate, medal-gate scandals. But the boot is now very much on the other foot following the scandal of MPs’ expenses.
Members of Parliament misused their second homes allowances to speculate on the London property market, flipping their second homes to avoid paying capital gains tax. They furnished their properties lavishly from the infamous John Lewis’s List, bought everything from toilet seats to duck houses and put it on the tab, somehow believing that this was acceptable to the British taxpayer. Well, now they know. It was the delusion of the decade.